Legs 11

Well 2011 was the year I tried to ‘go straight’.  Not being, not dressing, not thinking about being girl. The idea was simply to see if I could and if the feelings would diminish over time.  Occasionally, they did but each time they seem to come back in greater and greater force.  And eventually, a couple of months back I gave up trying.  At least I hadn’t “purged”, so that I don’t have to buy all my things again!

So of course, I’ve failed completey … it turns out that there are women out there in the real world and every one of them reminded me of what I couldn’t have.  The clothes, the attitude, the ability to just “be”!

So is this an addiction?  Like an overeater who can’t live without food?  I mean, if I were to join a male-only monastary, lock the gates and hide, would I still want to be Lisa?  I believe so … which, as an atheist in a monastary, would present double the problems!

So here’s to 2012 – I’m going to try the other way and let Lisa find her way out as much as I can.  Not quite the transitioning real-life-experience transphobic endurance test but definitely a few laps of warm up.

Here’s to 2012 wherever it leads us!

Happy New Year



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