Argument city

My wife was cross with me last night. Proper, shaking, could-kill-you hatred.

I know I’m the cause of it and probably deserve it but it was shocking to experience.  The hate came as she began to hold me entirely responsible for her current anxiety in which she obsesses over what I am doing, or going to do, or might one day do and the impact it will have on us.  The seed of change this time was my failure to reply to a text she sent me last week, asking what I was doing. I was trying clothes on, trying to work out what to take to Sparkle weekend. I didn’t want to tell her this because it would likely upset her but she has also always insisted that I don’t lie about what I’m doing. A no win situation, so I didn’t answer that text. Other texts and tweets came and went so I thought all was OK. It wasn’t, the anxiety I had created was brewing.

So she’s sitting opposite me as we eat, glaring and mad. I then excacerbated this with my insensitive advice that she needed to “get over” her anger.  Ooops.  I meant it in the moment; we were eating tea with our daughter who had noticed the atmosphere and was reacting to it.  Needless to say, it made things worse.  A lot worse. She’s now literally shaking with anger to the point where I wondered if she would become violent (she didn’t) …

Some hours later we were able to have a reasonably rational conversation and the anxiety trigger came out.  She’s worried that I want hormones/SRS and that our marriage will therefore be over. We’re still 5 months away from my GIC counselling.

The thing is, I’m starting to think that our marriage is doomed regardless but then I’ll have put her through hell and still caused us to split anyway. Whats the best, kindest thing to do? I have no idea.


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