Something changed

I write this a couple of days after getting back from Sparkle 2012 where I had an absolutely brilliant time. I know some transgendered people don’t like the format of it, and I totally agree with the desire to fit in to normal society rather than go to a special event …. but for me, not that confident about going out, it was great.

The pressure was off to “pass”; the nature of the event meant that passing is incredibly hard – just too many experts about! But that meant I was free to be myself and didn’t stay trapped on a hotel room threshold because I couldn’t get something exactly right (though I made my friend incredibly late by trying to get stuff right!)

So I started with jeggings on a Friday but finished in a no-compromise orange bodycon dress that was shorter than I really intended ;)   I don’t mean that my progress was toward a fetishy, short dressy, extrovert, but rather that by that Sunday I was confident enough in myself to stand out and be noticed for who I am.

I’m back a different person, my mental state flipped to the point where this male life is properly and conclusively the wrong, alien one. So I am going to transition, and I know the pain and hurt I will cause, but I cannot not do it.

Its now just a question of when.

Canal Street on Saturday

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