Shower Therapy

Came home last night to an upset wife. Upset because, having run out of my normal shower gel, I’d grabbed the only one I had to hand – a Radox Moisturise Shower Therapy.  I’d bought this when I’d been away some time ago and it had languished in my gym rucksack ever since so I thought nothing of leaving it in the bathroom in place of my “mens” shower gel.

So my wife has been upset but trying not to show it all day.  Over a shower gel. Insignificant to me, a major reinforcement of my intentions to her. Cue argument.

Some time later, we reach the crux when she asks me exactly what I want?  Well, I’m sufficiently worked up to tell her. I want hormones. Cue argument #2 in which she states repeatedly the reasons why I’m not like a woman. Retorts aren’t possible; I’m not like a woman because “I’ve been playing a role” would be interpreted as “I’ve lied to you all these years” … so I take the hurt.  The “you can’t be like a woman because you wouldn’t split your family … [to become a woman] … if you were” is a nice chicken and egg trap.  I also get another dose of “how can you do this to <daughter>, leave her without a dad, don’t you care about her” which … used to really, really hurt but now I just think my daughter would be better off without me.  I haven’t been a very good dad after all :(

Things got very upset, but after calm was restored, we were able to talk about the future. We’ve agreed to see what comes of my GIC appointments which are due to begin in “only” five months. Basically if they agree that I should go ahead with hormones, then my wife and I will split up. If they don’t, we try to find a way for me to be “occasional”.  Until then, limbo.

Shower therapy indeed.


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